Ethel Seeks Lucy

I had a fight with Ethel today at my first yoga class in months.

Ethel's been around in my life for a long time but was just recently named. You probably know someone like Ethel too. She's the hypercritical, nagging voice in my head telling me how bad I look and incompetent I am.

Now you know why we fight.

Today I could see the tension in my jawline as I heard her screeching, "Wow, you're out of shape!" "Man, those ankles look awfully chubby in this downward dog." And of course, I told her to shut up, but not without feeling a little hurt.

Sometimes, the other part of my brain conquered, as I felt taller and more energized with every vinyasa.

I had a talk with my teacher, Laraine (who you may know as Grammie on here!), after class. She suggested she just may be the Lucy my Ethel needs.

She shared some of her journey about working to be healthy and happy. And she's right - the number on the scale doesn't always tell the whole story.

I've debated about setting a number to this goal before, mostly because numbers and highly regiment plans tend to stress me out more than they provide comfort.

Part of making this goal a number, though, is to acknowledge the fact that losing weight is simply a math matter - burning more calories than you take in.

That doesn't account for, however, the emotional factors that usually make us unhealthy.

There's this concept in yoga called samskaras - or very simply, habits. They're the emotional ruts in the roads of our mind. We have them built up in our day-to-day routines, in how we walk, what we eat, what movements our body prefers when we aren't being mindful. These habits can often cloud our perspective and make us see things unclearly.

All of this stuff whirred through my mind as I stumbled on an article where Oprah's fitness guru, Bob Greene, asked readers some questions they need to consider if they seriously want to lose weight.

He asks:

• Why are you overweight? It's not because you like junk food. There's something deeper going on and you need to realize it.
• What are you truly hungry for? Again, this has nothing to do with food. Maybe you're craving love, attention or success. Think about it.

Read the rest here.

I've been pondering the answers to these questions for the past couple of days and I'll answer them soon. But this gives you something to chew on in the meantime. ;-)

The Project

Last year, I told myself I'd go skydiving for my 25th birthday.

As I reflected on this past year and all the cool things I'd done like skydiving, getting my first belt in krav maga and camping out at Bonnaroo, I wanted to a goal to celebrate my 26th birthday.

I'd debated coming up with a theme of birthday celebrations - maybe doing things that perpetuated the alphabet or more daredevil activities.

Then I realized the stuff I was most proud of were the things I was surprised I had the guts or gumption to do.

And as someone who's struggled with her weight all her life (um, hello, first diet in third grade!) I think that it's time I stop looking at this issue as some mystifying process and keep with the theme of de-cluttering my life and taking the initiative to get what I want.

The basic plan is to lose 20 pounds by my 26th birthday (May 28). There are some subplots in here, too, like running a half marathon and recommitting to a regular yoga practice. More to come on those.

So here goes, y'all!